Know-how and annoyance have fashioned a generally unreasonable partnership.
If you recognize somebody’s telephone quantity, electronic mail tackle, or social media, you can begin tossing messages at them. At will.
Please forgive me, however there got here some extent once I’d had sufficient.
For years, numerous New York realtors have been calling me and leaving voicemails. Each requested me if I needed to promote my property in Greenpoint.
Every voicemail would start with one thing alongside the strains of: “I see you personal the property at….”
Every time, I’d have a look at the useful Apple transcription of the voicemail after which trash it.
You see, I do not personal a property in Greenpoint. Or wherever in New York, for that matter. I’ve by no means owned a property in Greenpoint. Or wherever in New York, for that matter.
But in some way these folks imagine I do. Though I haven’t got a New York space code telephone quantity. I final lived in New York 14 years in the past.
A few weeks in the past, I confess I cracked slightly.
You see, one in all these high-quality New York realtors texted me. It started like this: “Hi there, Mr. Matyszczyk. My identify is Johnny Flimflam with Dunderhead Realty. I’m a dealer right here in NYC.” (Sure, I am not naming him or his realty’s actual identify.)
Flimflam continued: “I’m reaching out to you as a result of I see you personal the property 2021 Realtorssmell Avenue.” (Once more, not the true tackle.)
Naturally, Flimflam needed to know if I used to be eager about promoting it, as he had two or three purchasers who would certainly wish to purchase it.
It is The Software program, Silly. Or The Silly Software program.
For the primary time, I responded to a New York realtor.
“The place did you get this quantity?” I requested, anticipating some type of considerate response. Goodness, did I get one.
“My staff and I’ve entry to software program that permits us to get info of NYC property house owners,” defined Flimflam. “We use this just for the only real function of offering one of the best for our shopper’s industrial actual property wants. No info is given out or shared.”
I believe one or two of you might wish to parse this Flimflammery. So Dunderhead Realty has some type of (authorized? unlawful?) entry to software program that immediately tells its high-quality brokers who owns what. This info isn’t, ever shared. Besides, maybe, with its personal workers and purchasers.
Please forgive me, however I used to be now past perplexed, heading towards verbal headbuttery.
I replied: “One of the best to your purchasers, eh? Your software program is clearly not excellent.” Nicely, I could have used a stronger time period than “not excellent.” (I hope you possibly can forgive me.)
I imagined that Flimflam would pause for thought, even perhaps provide some type of confusion and even apology.
As an alternative, he texted this: “So, I am assuming that is Caroline.”
I used to be tempted to answer: “So, I am assuming Dunderhead Realty is aptly named, Flimflam.” However I responded: “Caroline? Caroline Who?”
Immediately got here his rationalization: “Caroline Weatherhaven.”
Sure, I’ve modified the identify he really gave too, as a result of he named somebody I dated. Fourteen years in the past.
The Software program At all times Is aware of Greatest.
What sort of secret software program was this? What sort of software program salesperson had supplied clearly a couple of New York realtor entry to this misbegotten bilge? The software program knew whom I might dated fourteen years in the past, however hadn’t received a clue that I did not personal any property in New York.
“So, first you seek advice from me as Mr. Matyszczyk and now your wonderful software program has determined I am Caroline Weatherhaven?” I replied.
Even right here, there might need been an opportunity for a decorous exit on his half. As an alternative, he did not reply.
I’ve a perception that those that pester by textual content or telephone could not know what it looks like. So I waited a few hours and despatched him one other textual content: “So, who am I now? Pope Francis? Manu Ginobili? The make-up artist for Legislation And Order SVU?”
Lastly, there got here a supremely elegant response from Johnny Flimflam: “You are a loser who has no life apparently lmao.”
Ah, New York, it is as if I by no means left you.
So, I used some subtle software program — it is known as Google — to see that Flimflam is, certainly, a dealer with an allegedly fancy New York realty agency. He is praised on its web site for his professionalism and, oh, his consideration to element.
However I find yourself questioning simply how a lot folks have ceded to software program, with out bothering to query it.
Flimflam did not even cease to assume his software program could have been mistaken. He did not surprise why he was calling somebody in California. My tone certainly instructed him he was unlikely to make a sale, even when I had been the proprietor of this property.
As an alternative, he trusted his software program a lot that, on studying I wasn’t who he thought I used to be, instantly satisfied himself I have to be my ex-girlfriend from greater than a decade in the past. As a result of, presumably, his software program instructed him that was the one choice.
Clearly, Dunderhead Realty is not alone in “getting access to” such very intelligent software program. Clearly, I am unable to be alone in getting such shifting pesterings.
But we’re now in a world the place the software program defines us, no matter any human thought-process that may ponder whether that software program is definitely proper.
It is slightly dunderheaded, is not it?